So I posted a status on my facebook last night, “I just FINALLY realized…. People really don’t want to be alone. It scares them so badly, they’re willing to do nearly anything to keep from being alone.” I don’t remember why this was on my mind, or what made me post it as a status… but about 5 minutes after I posted it, my friend messaged me, and we started talking about her ex… who also happened to be my ex as well. We were discussing his actions in both our relationships. It’s very interesting, and I went back and read some emails I sent to him- and in his attempt to get me back he promised things… I’ll post little snippets:
this one just made me smile. I admire that he said I was different than everyone else. nice to know he can’t yell at me! ^_^
now look, ull probably think im crazy, after what we just went through, but just hear me out. even after all of THAT, i still want to be with u…. after all that uve done, and me too, im involved just as much as u r, i should yell at u. but for some reason, i try but i cant. i dont know why. there something about u. ur different than everyone else. there were times that i wanted to but i just couldnt.
And this quote… here is what he promised me. When he was asking for another chance with me…. I’ll expand more on this one in a second…
plus ive been going to church alot more often. on top of that, ive been looking foward to going to church. i also wanted to get involved so i joined the orchestra hoping that i worship better since im a horrible singer. now ur probably thinking that im doing it for u and i dont mean to do all this. guess again. i did this on my own accord. im not doing this for u anymore. im doing this for me. i want to learn more about god my own way. however i do hope that this impresses u alittle more that im wanting to seek a better relationship with god my own way. i did this for me.
And I just find this funny… Like really? you thought that telling me “i’m all you have left” is going to get me to come back? lol. Guys, take a hint. Don’t tell a girl that you want to be with them because they are “all you have left” and that you “cant get another date”… ha. But also in this snippet, he brings up the sex before marriage thing, and then promises to be a different person.
going back to dating other people, u told me to try other people. i did, and it didnt go great. im sorry, but ur all i have left. i cant get another date. i tried. i keep wanting to come back. and also Pell has taught me to think more like an adult, meaning im making appropriate choices like not wanting to have sex b4 marriage. i did b4 but now i just dont. i only ask for one more chance. please. ill be a different person but at the same time ill be myself, if that makes any sense whatsoever. im not gona lie. were still gona have arguments. but it wont stop us from loving eachother. these have been some huge fights, but in the end we still want to talk to eachother. please accept. ur all ive got left. ive also changed alot. not for u but for me. i promose to treat u better. i promose the absolute best for u. let me know what u think. again, im sorry for all that i have done to u.
Now… my first comment on this is… Why is there such an issue with being single? It’s really not that bad. This guy has a really bad habit of jumping from relationship to relationship… I don’t remember the last time he was actually single. Other than when I broke up with him.. he was single for about a week or two. (I’m apparently so hard to get over) But anyways, I watched him jump from girl to girl, breaking up with them when he found someone better
But anyway, jumping back to my facebook status… What this guy does, I think… is dates a girl for a while thinking they’re the most awesome person ever, but still keeps his eye open for other girls that might be better… or a change… or something, i’m not too sure… then when he finds another one, he just says “well. see ya. it’s been fun.”. His most recent ex… he was engaged to. broke up with her using the excuse of “you live too far away”. a week later, he starts seeing another girl. Let me repeat something here. he dumped his fiancée for a really stupid reason, then almost immediately after, got a new girl. I don’t understand that. anyone able to explain that one to me?
But anyway, i dont want to bash this boy. I wanna talk about people being scared to be alone! 
So we’ll discuss another boy…. Who’s earned a lot of time on my blog actually. He makes me really mad, but he’s not in my life anymore.. he just fits into my story. This is posted on his facebook:
I do not see myself ever being in a relationship, but I also do not see myself being alone. I tried once to take a friendship one step further, and broke my heart like nothing else can.
Yes, if you were wondering the person he “took a friendship one step further with” was me, myself, and I. If you can call it taking a friendship further. haha.If you wanna know the story, you can ask me, but it’s too long to share; but anyway… How can you not be in a relationship, yet also not be alone? he doesn’t want to live with his family, or have pets… What girl is going to stay there and just hang out… waste her life? not me. Because it wasn’t going to be me, he got mad at me because he wanted it to be me and went into angry at/ignore me mode because he was hurt. According to his mom, he still wants me around, but he’s too prideful to tell me he was also at fault. Now he’s alone, and he’s going to stay that way because no one else will put up with him. I’m getting off topic though.
people don’t like to be alone! There’s just something about it… It scares people to the center of their core. They may not realize that it scares them, but it does, truly.
For example, I have a difficult time walking away from a relationship because staying with someone that’s told me they aren’t ready to be so serious yet (or whatever the reason was) is better than moving on, being alone, and finding someone else. At least subconsciously that seems to be what’s going on.
That would happen to be my most recent relationship. Can’t quite seem to move on. My friend that I was talking to earlier about my other ex.. said he’s different for me. Something about him, that I can’t figure out, just doesn’t add up. I can’t decide if I’m not moving on because I am afraid to be alone, or because I really think it can work out…
And THEN in addition to all of this stuff I’m realizing.. I was talking to someone else that got married… and she told me that she knows her husband wasn’t “the one”. She just married him because she was getting older and didn’t want to end up alone…
Which makes me bring up my next point… All relationships are going to have issues, marriages take work, and people aren’t perfect… so is there really a “one” for us? because even with “the one” we’re still going to have problems, it’s going to take work. Now, i’m not saying pick up the next human that’s breathing off the street and get married… but is it really that necessary to keep searching for “the perfect” person… knowing that no one is perfect?
Just my thoughts. haa.
I firmly believe that God has chosen someone for us to be with, if it is his will that we are supposed to be with someone. But how do we know that the person he’s chosen for us isn’t “the one”, even if we feel like they’re not “the one”. Who determines who “the one” is anyway?… if that even made any sense. Maybe God’s plan isn’t to let us find “the one”. Maybe we’re just a pawn in his very large game of chess… Maybe we were supposed to be with someone that wasn’t completely right for us to teach us. shape us. mold us. Maybe our job was to have kids and give them the mindset that will help them be with their perfect person… Why are we always so selfish about relationships? I’ll never understand. Well, other than we are just selfish people and we do selfish things. Get two selfish people together and what results is selfishness; it’s just what happens.
anyway, im gonna get goin… startin to storm really bad, power will prolly go out.
